When the maple leaves all fall it makes the yard look amazing for about a day. This year this scene was quickly covered with snow. Leaves on the ground and on the trees covered with snow is not a sight we usually see. Most often by the time it snows, the leaves are down and gone. It was just a little bit of snow, so it didn’t cause the tree branches to crash down and take out power lines. But it was slippery and somehow wrong. I actually fell walking the dog. And wondered not if I was hurt, but if anyone had seen me.
We are sort of getting ready for the changes, or taking a breather before everything changes. My daughter will be here with her two cats. With my three that will be five and five is too many. Our usually bold and gregarious (I know most cats don’t fit those words at all) Olive will be hard to find that whole time, and we’ll miss her. There will be much dirty cat litter, and too few scoopers. The dog will obsess on one of the new cats, and may eventually be swiped but undeterred.
Then my mother is coming and she’ll be here at the same time. One of them will sleep in “my” room (my daughter’s old room) and so I’ll have to move all my stuff and also my routine into our bedroom. One of them will sleep I don’t know where, and when Carole snores I won’t sleep at all. Then my daughter and her cats will leave and we’ll take my mother and my son to my daughter’s graduation, then bring my mother back to send her on her way home. I don’t know if my daughter will have a job before then. Until she has a job I’m living with the possibility that she could move anywhere. That is very unsettling for me.
I’ll go to work a bit resentfully and take some time off a bit guiltily. I’ll miss some important days at work and that will make it harder for the people who actually show up. And in the midst off all this, I’m moving my office. I don’t want to move but it’s making me go through all my stuff. I’m just moving down the hall, so not a huge change there. Then, just before Christmas, we’ll leave the state to go get “legally” married.
This is one of those times when things seem so good I have a little bit of a feeling of unreality about it all.
My blog has gotten more hits in one day than ever before. This time of year, I have many people getting here via search for a gratitude list. I also see people on Facebook engaging in 30 days of gratitude.
My AA truth is that there are infinitely more than 30 things to be grateful for. My ideal is to be grateful for everything, good and bad. My reality is that years of practice have given me a wonderful outlook. And I write that knowing that there is nothing big and bad on my plate right now, and that should something big and bad come, gratitude will be a struggle once again. And I may fail to attain it once again. Still I’m grateful that even knowing that, I can let those thoughts pass by, and I can be here, now, and be grateful.