We celebrated Thanksgiving for our clients at my work today for my first time in a very long time without my work partner. I’ve been through a lot of change and loss there recently, but I somehow feel like I always say that.
For actual Thanksgiving, my mother will fly to my house as usual. We’ll then drive her to my daughter’s, where we’ll stay for a few days. My daughter’s mother-in-law (God bless her) will have all of over including my son and his fiancé. It’s different.
I have what I like to refer to as nostalgia as a character defect. The definition includes longing. When I think of what I long for, it isn’t necessarily Thanksgiving at my great aunt’s or at my aunt’s, I long for some tradition that doesn’t change except that some people die and others are born. That’s never been real. But I long for it.
For me, there is fear and loneliness and sadness is still being an only child.
Every aspect of the holiday coming up is a call for gratitude for me. My mother, wife, children, are all doing well. They all want to see me, and I want to see them all. I have (mostly) passed through that season of loss at work, and things look promising. I am able to stand it, day after day, and of course to find lots of joy in it.
I need to remember the Thanksgivings when I drank to stand being around people. I may have even skipped one, drunk or hung over badly. Alcohol tried to take everything away from me, and nearly did, yet today I have everything, and alcohol isn’t a factor.