But today, in well-matured A.A.’s, these distorted drives have been restored to something like their true purpose and direction. We no longer strive to dominate or rule those about us in order to gain self-importance. We no longer seek fame and honor in order to be praised.
It humbles me, first of all, to consider myself a well-matured AA whose distorted drives may have – should have been restored to something like their true purpose and direction. I know that time is only a number, that if I don’t drink today I’ve won, that everyone has their own time and pace and etc but really. If, after 28 years of sobriety in the program, I’m not a well-matured AA, I should consider giving it up.
I never tried to dominate or rule in order to gain self-importance. I don’t like being in charge, and I’d much rather follow orders and have it be your fault when it goes wrong. There are a few things, however, about which I am very certain that I’m right, and it should be done my way.
I have some opinions at work, and mostly my problem there is that I am right, and I’m called to judge, assess, and lead others in the right direction. It’s a responsibility I need to constantly take more seriously. I need to do it more, and better, and not consider my own dislike of conflict so much when I direct others. Oy.
At home, it’s more complicated. There are a few things I feel right about and really can’t change my opinion, even if I don’t get my way.
But I think those things are few. Seeking fame and honor – that has never been me. I don’t like praise, it brings attention to me, and I don’t like attention. My dislike of attention is more than it should be. Thanks to AA, I know it is a kind of twisted “pride in reverse.”
Boy, “a well-matured AA” is quite a thing to think about. Honestly, I don’t like the ‘progress not perfection” kind of cop-out I so often hear. For me, personally, it is just as true that I can always, always, step it up a bit.