I had an extremely wonderful Christmas, my 32nd sober. All is very very well. The knitting on my daughter’s lap is a sock she’s making. I have started a sock while she’s here. This will not go well.
Tonight I chair my home group, and I’m feeling slightly guilty about possibly leaving her to do it. She may be with her brother, though, and if she’s here, she’ll come out with us afterwards. She used to do that when she lived here. I made the plan to chair while I was thinking I wouldn’t see her this year. But really, all is extremely well. She doesn’t have fetal alcohol syndrome because of the program. It starts there, and every good thing after that in her life, everything that I have influenced, has been given to her courtesy of AA.
We sometimes hear about the huge number of people who suffer due to someone’s drinking. Five, six, seven for each alcoholic. The other side of that coin is the number of people who prosper due to an alcoholic’s sobriety. That would be anyone I ever brought any good to at all, in addition to the untold number I haven’t harmed.
And the cat? Some kitties just don’t care.
My dog is under the bushes. She likes to scratch her back on the old branches. Those bushes along the fence are all very old, and some are dying. Carole and I know not much about gardening, and we both consider yard work to be, well, work. But we really should try to nurture some baby bushes that can thrive in all that shade and neglect.
All of our visitors from Thanksgiving are gone, and we made it through having all those people here without serious negativity. It was very nice. My daughter has moved to her new old location and she’ll start her new job Monday. She’ll also visit us for Christmas.
Readers will know that until last week, she lived fairly far away from me, and she had a job that didn’t give her much vacation time. Last Christmas Carole and I and our son and dog drove to see her, I was so distressed at the thought of Christmas without her. This year she was getting me ready for the idea that she didn’t want me to do that. I wouldn’t have done it, and was trying to get my heart ready to accept this situation and even be glad (she’s not in jail, in China, in the military, in harm’s way). But it hit me hard. And even as that happened, my AA program and thinking helped me know that I can’t predict the future even as I plan for it, I never know what will happen, it will be OK either way. As it turns out, she will be able to visit, and any sadness I experienced was a waste of negative emotion.
There are a few disturbing things at work. The recent mass shooting took place in a place that in many ways is like where I work. When I first heard that I could only think, “why?” even as I know the question is “why” anywhere. My work partner continues to threaten to retire. Someone in our same position at another location was fired.
So as much as I can I encourage the lesson of the Christmas daughter and try to realize more fully that I only have today and what and who is here, now. Right here, right now, it’s me and the dog. And life is good.