May 27, 2017 (this day)

IMG_0488.JPGThis time last year Carole and I were looking for a stained glass window to buy for our house to commemorate our 19th anniversary of meeting each other.  We found some great ones but don’t know how to have any installed.  So we are still without.  In another week we will mark 20 years since our first meeting in person.  Twenty years is courtesy of AA in so many ways.  I wouldn’t be alive to meet anyone without AA.  And it is the most important thing we have in common.  We met online and are so different in so many ways it might not have worked out if we had met in person, even in AA.  So I don’t golf but I do go to meetings.  I share her religion but not her religious details, but I do live by the same twelve steps.

Last week while she was away I went on my own to a meeting for someone who will challenge my terrible, terrible congressman in 2018.  My congressman is a 97% match for Voldemort (aka current POTUS who I do not want to reference directly) but my district………

Then my daughter called.  She is going to China for work in one week, for one week.  Then she’s coming back and going to a house with us and our extended family.  Then she’s going to South Korea for work.  Then she’s planning a trip with two of her friends, me, my mother and Carole to go wedding dress shopping for her wedding which may occur sometime next year.  My daughter is not aware that later tonight I’ll celebrate 33 years of sobriety, sobriety that began before she was born and that has protected her from so much misery every day of her life.  If nothing else, I’m 100% sure my sobriety is the only reason she talks to me.  My sobriety has all this, and it has produced another Democrat.

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Emotional Hangover (from step 10)

When a drunk has a terrific hangover because he drank heavily yesterday, he cannot live well today. But there is another kind of hangover which we all experience whether we are drinking or not. That is the emotional hangover, the direct result of yesterday’s and sometimes today’s excesses of negative emotion—anger, fear, jealousy, and the like. If we would live serenely today and tomorrow, we certainly need to eliminate these hangovers.

My emotional life is ruled by politics right now, and I’m just going to go with it.

I know I’m not doing it well when I dream about congress, or when thoughts of politics and politicians are the first thoughts I have waking up, or the things that run through my head when I’m trying to sleep.  I don’t feel that the negative emotions are excessive.  I think  anger, fear, and the like (disgust, dismay, despair) are appropriate and called for.  If you’re not terrified you’re not paying attention!  And I don’t live serenely.

I mean, I do live serenely, this just takes up too much negative space in my head and in my day.  I haven’t reached my goal of spending ten quality minutes with it.  I’ve seen people around me lessen their zeal.  I think I have lessened my newspaper reading, but only a little.  I’m not sure what an appropriate amount would be.

Other things.  I marked 33 years sober last week.  This number is beyond my comprehension.  I feel in this way blessed among all the alcoholics who ever lived.  Emotional hangovers, unpleasant as they are, are the only kind of hangovers I’ve had in all that time.  I remember cotton mouth, dry heaves, vague and fearful regrets.  I’ll take the emotional hangover because this hangover comes with hope and a plan to suffer less next time.

And viva la resistance!!