I came to write about enjoying life in sobriety, having fun. But I’m not really having any, and that’s a shame. I’m very stressed. My number one stress is my dog. She’s 14 and has, the vet says, liver failure. Taking her on vacation in June nearly did her in, but since then she’s been holding steady. I’m failing to enjoy this precious puppy because I fear the ultimate break with her, the one when she leaves me forever. That is a darn shame. An old dog is, for me, a wonderful dog. She’s so much easier than she was when she was younger. She’s so much more mine because more time has gone by. She’s happy and she seems fairly healthy for her age. She’s enjoying life and I’m so torn up over its end.
Work is also very stressful. We are very short staffed, and that makes everything much more difficult. My work partner, who I love working with and depend on heavily, turned 65 last month. She’s probably staying a bit longer, but every day feels like the possible end with that. And I could be enjoying her so much more. We’ve been together a really long time and I’m beyond blessed and lucky to have had this amazing relationship. But I’m torn up over its end.
I don’t know why my coping reserves feel so low right now. Nothing major is wrong in my life, and I do so appreciate that fact. I’m kind of floundering with how to have a real go at this problem, my attitude.
Looking at my alphabetical list of topics, after “enjoying life” comes the “exact nature of our wrongs.” After Step Three comes Step Four. Maybe some investigation will yield some clues and some clarity and path. It always has before.
Just back from my daughter’s, and I miss her terribly and I hate how far away she lives and so I will attack that feeling with a gratitude list.