Stress

I had two examples today of people drinking due to stress. A woman came to my online meeting to tell us she had beed drinking. She had previously attended the meeting every day and had some period of sobriety during which she had a baby, among other things. She had been drinking periodically and drank yesterday, she said, because her boyfriend called to say he was working late and to her that meant he was possibly cheating on her. Thinking he was possibly cheating on her, she drank.

Then I talked briefly to my mother. My mother goes through periods of not drinking, but lately she’s been stressed by trying to settle her late husband’s estate. She has spent a huge amount of money on lawyers over a long period of time with no end in sight, and when the lawsuit experiences a setback, or she gets another lawyer bill, she drinks.

These are just two examples that came up in my life today, but of course drinking to deal with stress is everywhere. I often notice when someone on TV or in a movie is stressed and picks up that drink. Ahhhhhh. In my own drinking, life itself was plentiful stressful enough to make me wish and try to permanently take the edge off, the results of which brought me to AA.

I made a little list of how I think we deal with stress in AA. Of course stress is something we want to lessen. Some excitement may be pleasant sometimes, but stress as worry or tension is a negative thing I want to escape. Then I looked at the top Google hit for dealing with stress for “normal” people outside of AA.

The CDC suggests that we 1 – limit our exposure to news; 2 – eat well but not too much, exercise, sleep well but not too much; 3 – meditate; 4 – avoid alcohol and drugs; 4 – get vaccinated (I’m not kidding – being vaccinated will ease your mind, I guess?); 5 – engage in activities you enjoy; 6 – talk with people; 7 – engage with community or faith organizations; 8 – seek professional help (which is a great idea, but often hard to find and far from free).

Searching the Big Book I found the word stress only once, on page 93, wherein working with others we are told to stress the spiritual feature freely. The 12 and 12 uses the word once as well, wherein Step 11 we are told to say the serenity prayer or a prayer or phrase that has appealed to us over and over to search for God’s will in a moment of stress. Interesting to me, and I wonder if the concept just isn’t talked about in the literature or if it’s there under different names.

So my own little list of AA suggestions that came to my mind when I thought about how AA tells us to deal with stress without drinking. 1 – practice gratitude, thinking about the good aspects of every situation; 2 – go to AA meetings, which involves being part of a strong faith community, involves talking to people, involves prayer and possibly meditation 3 – help others, taking me out of myself is a great stress reliever; 4 – remember examples of change, in my own life and in the lives of others – AA is full of these stories literally everyone has one; 5 – cultivate relationships in and out of the rooms by admitting when we’re wrong, admitting we need help, being responsible and reliable, being willing to help; 6 – practicing Step 11 with prayer and meditation.

The most important thing for me to remember is that alcohol won’t lessen my stress. It will give me whole additional worlds of pain and stress added to whatever is bothering me. The first woman I wrote about has a 13 year old son who tells the woman’s boyfriend to “hide the bourbon” from his mother. She has the regret of taking care of her baby while she’s intoxicated. If her boyfriend is cheating, she’s much less able to deal with it while she’s drinking. If he’s not cheating she has created a whole other problem and she can’t predict the outcome.

I can lay the AA suggestions on top of the CDCs and see that I am grateful that AA has given me the template to take these good suggestions and really implement them in a thoughtful manner. I don’t take all of suggestions all of the time and I frequently suffer from stress. I have hope because I have the great example of miracles in my own life and the lives of countless others. And no one around me ever tells anyone else to hide the bourbon.