They say if you want to know what your character defects are, fall in love. I will add to that, have your mother’s husband need lots of care, be far away.
Here’s a character defect I don’t talk a lot about, because who would I talk to? Being an only child has made me fearful, envious, lonely. No one shared my growing up experience, and no one understands the way this feels now.
My father died when he was 33 and I was 6, and so my relationship with his family was on and off. I visited and wrote and called through the years. When I was 18, my grandfather, his father, was dying. My aunt called to let me know and still I don’t have clear memories of what when on or what I did or what I said. I know I was in the depths of my drinking, which was constant.
My grandfather died. I got sober. I got engaged, and married, and pregnant. At one of these showers, some of my cousins refused to come because of the way I had acted. Being finally sober and a good AA, I sought out my aunts and I apologized, though not completely sure what I had done, I was completely sure it was bad.
Aunts and cousins forgave me, hurray, for things I had said when completely sober. I don’t know. Some stupid remark that insulted them. I apologized for what I said when drunk, and was forgiven for what I said when sober. AA works, even when I don’t know what I’m doing.