Emotional Sobriety

This sounded new age to me, but Bill W actually wrote about it link.

“How to translate a right mental conviction into a right emotional result . . .  it’s the problem of life itself for all of us who have got to the point of real willingness to hew to right principles in all our affairs.”

He goes on to say that the answer is in perfect love.  Not being dependent on any person or thing, not even AA, but upon God.  That loving others with no expectation of return is the true key to happiness.  And in AA we have a field ripe for harvesting.

When I was newly, temporarily, precariously sober, avoiding an excess of negative emotion was life or death.  I had to work the program and practice the positive thinking it teaches, or drink.  Now the drink is much farther away.  The emotions are much milder and more easily handled.  I think that sometimes I stay negative because I’m not so compelled to change as I was in the begininng.

“If we examine every disturbance we have, great or small, we will find at the root of it some unhealthy dependency and its consequent unhealthy demand. Let us, with God’s help, continually surrender these hobbling demands. Then we can be set free to live and love; we may then be able to Twelfth Step ourselves and others into emotional sobriety.”

I’m going to make an effort in the next little while to examine my disturbances and identify the dependency and the demand.

My current big, long, awful disturbance – the election.  I depend on the government to do many things and to basically keep me safe.  The government is currently, in my eyes, putting me in danger.

The day after election day someone I work with said something like, “Don’t worry, God is in charge.”  I don’t believe that, though I accept that it may be true.  When I think about my government-inspired fears I have to acknowledge that most people in the world are not so well-situated as I am.  I protest without fear of reprisal.  I tell half of my elected officials that I disagree with them, again without fear of reprisal.  I’m allowed to engage in activities that are meant to undermine and overthrow these particular politicians.  In many places in the world this would be a very dangerous undertaking.  Not here.

And I have to acknowledge that no administration kept me “safer” than this one.  Danger is always there, and I live most of my life not considering it.   Dependency identified.  Now what?

I’m volunteering to help a campaign that seeks to oust my terrible congressman, so that’s something.  I can’t fit the pieces together to say how this reduces my dependency, but it does serve to take my mind off of it, at least for a while.

Apologies to my Readers

Somehow I stopped getting notifications for comments, and I really thought no one was commenting!  The last twenty (20!) are now approved and I’ll try to answer them.  Thanks for reading and commenting and again, so sorry.

July 4, 2017 (this day)

IMG_0583The cat the rugs were on the line for is dead.  She was 16, which to me is not old for a cat.  The dog, who is 14, has some kind of something wrong with her liver and she won’t take the Sam-E on an empty stomach the way she’s supposed to in order to help her liver.  Critters.  They take a lot of my mental and emotional energy right now.  I’m down two three pets.  The aforementioned dog and two cats, twins (or so the shelter told us) who are six years old and healthy.  One is purring on my arm right now, making it difficult to type.  Someone I work with said she wants to come back as one of my pets.  I haven’t had this few pets for many years.  I can’t really imagine or accept living without this dog.  I try not to spend too much time with thoughts like that.  Really, she could outlive me, you never know, and all the preemptive sadness will have been for nothing.

This may not seem to have much to do with AA, but when I contemplate all this, which is often, I really feel like I’ve gotten worse at AA over the years, not better.  And I’m not going to more meetings as a result of those feelings because I hate to leave the dog home alone.  And I’m not getting another dog because I hate to leave the dog home alone.  I’ll go to more meetings then.  There will be plenty of time.  If I’m fortunate.