My cousin got married and I got to travel “home” for the wedding. He married a man. I cannot ever stop being grateful for sentences like that no matter what else happens. My mother got sloppy drunk at the wedding. She really ruined it for me with her drinking. She’s old, and her eyesight is terrible, so dealing with her unsteady as well was a nightmare. She passed out with icing on her face. She fought me about using a wheelchair. I threatened to leave her there if we had to call an ambulance, and I pushed her down into the wheelchair to get her back into the hotel.
I’m angry, for sure, and I’m grateful that my children have not experienced this with me. My cousin was gracious and mentioned the many other times my mother got comically drunk at family functions. I wonder if she remembers it.
The despair of the election is still all too real. I talked to my daughter today and she said she’s kind of waiting for something terrible to happen to re-embrace the despair. I’ll try to do that also, knowing I’ll often fail. Last night after our meeting we went out with friends and all of our talk was about how terrible this is. At the meeting, Carole brought up the topic of staying in the moment. I know my moments have been mostly wonderful and at every moment, I’ve had everything I need and much, much more. Right now I am warm and safe and have clean water. If I have an emergency skilled people will respond quickly and try to set things right. I have the awareness that I don’t want to give any more of my life over to despair because of this, and I have the tools to fight despair and I have lots of practice using them. And I probably also have people in my life who can benefit by my example of doing it and doing it well.