This time last year Carole and I were looking for a stained glass window to buy for our house to commemorate our 19th anniversary of meeting each other. We found some great ones but don’t know how to have any installed. So we are still without. In another week we will mark 20 years since our first meeting in person. Twenty years is courtesy of AA in so many ways. I wouldn’t be alive to meet anyone without AA. And it is the most important thing we have in common. We met online and are so different in so many ways it might not have worked out if we had met in person, even in AA. So I don’t golf but I do go to meetings. I share her religion but not her religious details, but I do live by the same twelve steps.
Last week while she was away I went on my own to a meeting for someone who will challenge my terrible, terrible congressman in 2018. My congressman is a 97% match for Voldemort (aka current POTUS who I do not want to reference directly) but my district………
Then my daughter called. She is going to China for work in one week, for one week. Then she’s coming back and going to a house with us and our extended family. Then she’s going to South Korea for work. Then she’s planning a trip with two of her friends, me, my mother and Carole to go wedding dress shopping for her wedding which may occur sometime next year. My daughter is not aware that later tonight I’ll celebrate 33 years of sobriety, sobriety that began before she was born and that has protected her from so much misery every day of her life. If nothing else, I’m 100% sure my sobriety is the only reason she talks to me. My sobriety has all this, and it has produced another Democrat.
We have to soak the dog’s glucosamine and dissolve it because if she senses any kind of chunk, she spits it out. Someone fished the pill out of the water. I’m pretty sure it was one specific cat. I’m worried now that this cat is ill. She is the best cat I’ve ever had. She’s six years old, so hopefully if she is ill it’s easily taken care of. I’m writing on Sunday, and on Wednesday both my work partner and my home partner will leave on trips far far away. I’ll have the work place and the home place on my own, and that always causes me some anxiety. A sick cat would just not be good.
I was protesting yesterday and I was protesting last week. I’ve protested five times, I think, since that first one in DC in January.
Carole marked 21 years sober the other day. Yesterday at our meeting I told a bit of a story I’ll tell here. My daughter sometimes goes for work to the place where I grew up, drank and got sober. The other days she passed by my university and sent me a picture from traffic of a main walkway of the place. A walkway I used many, many times. It made me think that the worst years of my life were spent there. The years I was most drunk and that I’m only lucky I survived. If you had told me then that …..34? 35? years later my scientist daughter would pass by for work, that she’s care enough about me to take a picture and send it, that she’d by OK and I’d be OK and I’d be approaching 33 years sober…… Beyond my wildest dreams, for absolutely sure.
My co-worker’s step son died from and overdose the other night. My next door neighbor died from one two weeks ago. Two young people in their 20s.
All really is well with me right now. I’m still trying to adjust to the political “new normal,” the one where I’m engaged no matter what the outside conditions. I’m heartened by all the people who think like I do and who join me in these endeavors. I’m saddened by what I perceive I lost, knowing that it remains perfect in my imagination because it didn’t happen. I’m taking a moment to consider what the very old lady I might (probably not, but maybe) turn out to be 30-some years from now might be like. One thing for sure, if I don’t drink I should be a bit of an AA record holder by then.
Politics still looms large for me, all day, every day. I haven’t been successful in making it a small, important, comfortable part of my life yet. I’ve struggled with it before from time to time, but this time the change in me is permanent, so it’s important that I right size it.
I still struggle with a sense of unreality but I think that makes me severely normal. The other day C SPAN had three lines for viewers to call; one if you believe the president, one if you don’t, and one if you’re not sure. And they don’t mean the regular “has the guy spun this so thoroughly we can’t recognize it?” They mean “is he stating something that is just not in any way true?” It happens. Weekly if not daily. I still fine this very disturbing as well as being disturbed by the people who fail to be disturbed.
I have a sort of ideal I’m aiming for, though. Most days I mean to move my time and attention away from this disaster quickly, giving it a bit of my attention and moving on. Sometimes I’ll give it more time, like when I go to a rally or help in a campaign. Monthly, at least, I’ll give it my money. And daily I’ll read the New York Times at least a little bit, starting in a random section and not concentrating on politics, though he who shall not be named makes his evil way into most sections these days. I aim to get a little bit more informed and educated about everything.
My program as applied to my problem. It tells me in no uncertain terms not to hate, though honestly I often feel hatred for people I’ve never met who, to my understanding, want to hurt vulnerable people. I hate that. And really I think that the ones who don’t want to hurt vulnerable people are too stupid to understand that’s what the agenda is. And yeah, the program has things to say about that attitude, and they aren’t good! I’m grateful it’s there to show me the way. I will use it to give myself a good quality of life in this strange and terrible time.