I talked to my mother yesterday. My cousin in getting married in May, back very near my home town. My mother and I and one aunt will have to travel some distance to attend. So will my daughter. I can get very anxious thinking about logistics and traveling. I truly prefer to stay home, and sometimes I feel like a freak. Last night, at the meeting after my meeting, someone new joined us, and trying to explain that I don’t like AA retreats and have no desire to attend them lead me to sharing that I don’t like vacation. I really do feel at times like there’s something wrong with me. Like I’m one step away from not leaving my house unless I’m carted out. I mean, I’m not afraid to leave my house, but not wanting to go on vacation is sometimes treated like being really, really messed up.
And the wedding is messed up in several ways, all of them having to do with personalities. This side wants this, that side wants that, I’m guessing the people getting married probably just want peace. Last family wedding I went to, my aunt passed out and didn’t even come to the next day. I hope that this time she doesn’t drink.
Other famous alcoholics who will be in attendance are my mother and my uncle. It’s actually my uncle’s daughter who is getting married. He’s the one who is supposedly an alcoholic. It must be true, my drunken mother said it is.
On my father’s side of my family, I’m paying a lawyer to see if they did me out of a rightful inheritance.
And I have no news from work yet. Last night, someone at the meeting asked me how my job is. I wondered for a second if he reads the blog, because I never discussed it with him. I think he just may have been asking because of the dismal climate there is right now for human services. Because if something needs to be cut, we should think about building business and taking things away from some of the very most fragile, vulnerable people among us. People who cannot cheat the system and in some cases, who really can’t do much of anything at all.
Today Carole and I went to church and to the health food store for health food. I washed the kitchen floor, she made travel arrangements (I hope), and tonight we’ll go to a meeting. And that’s about the size of it.