The election continues to vex me. I always feel that I’m all right and they are all wrong, but this time I feel especially so. I have bad thoughts and feelings about people I am otherwise neutral about, or people I like. It’s difficult, it’s frightening. And it’s wonderful. It looks like this may actually happen.
I don’t have much going on. My economic insecurity is over, and I’m unhappy with how frightened I can get with things like that. I’ll travel soon to a cousin’s wedding. I may not be able to see my daughter at Christmas, which would be the first time I didn’t see her at Christmas, I think. My son is in Australia for work, and he doesn’t reassure me quite as well as my daughter did when she went to Greece. But he does answer if I call, so I’ll have to take it. Meetings are fine, work is fine, family is fine. I completely appreciate that everything in my world at this moment is fine. And when Hillary wins it will be very very fine!
I understand this to mean two different things. One, it’s a drunk (alcoholic) who isn’t drinking. AA wisdom says that the alcoholic has to change in order to stay sober and be happy. “If you sober up a horse thief, you will have a sober horse thief.” The horse thief must change her way of life to live rightly and stay sober.
The second meaning is an alcoholic in recovery who who goes on an emotional bender without drinking. This would be the excess of negative emotion mentioned in the steps. A dry drunk, a drunk without alcohol, endangers the alcoholic in that if it continues, he will more than likely drink. I can’t stay in the negative emotion for any period of time without risking my sobriety.
“Stuff” is going on for me. Count me into the 50% of Americans who are stressed by this election. And let me meet the half who aren’t, because everyone I know is. I’m also experiencing some very minor economic insecurity. I’ve never been good with that, even as I’ve had everything I need every day of my life, and people to help me if I don’t. I won’t call this a dry drunk, and I hope I’m acting mostly rationally. Both of these situations will eventually pass and remembering that is one way I stay out of danger.
I was at a meeting last night where we read the part of How it Works that follows the fourth step demonstration page. I was reminded that any time I have a resentment I am at fault, if only for having the resentment, but usually for a good bit more. I will add that for me personally it’s often more about fear than resentment, but I believe these are two sides of the same character defect.
Politics brings out the worst in me. It brings out a little good as well, but mostly the worst. I fail to see how someone who would mock a person with disabilities is OK with anyone anywhere, for anything. And I could go way on from there.
But I work a program, right? And I believe that resentments will kill me, don’t I? Big Book to rescue! These (people who are on the other side) are sick, how can I help them?