January 15, 2022 (this day)

A quick update on “my” meetings in this place at this time.

Before covid, I went regularly to two meetings, one on Saturday night and one on Sunday night. Both shut down when everything shut down. The Saturday night meeting met outside during that first summer, then opened with restrictions put on by the church. Eventually the church lifted all the restrictions.

The Sunday night meeting went online and picked up people from several different countries, all by word of mouth. That meeting generated some strong feelings among participants, and some of the people who had been in person and then online left. It is now trying to go back in person, though the online version survives. The in person group is very slow to start up, and I’m afraid it might not make it.

The Saturday meeting is doing well with good attendance. The group is refusing to ask for masks or distance. The covid risk where we are is “extremely high.” The room where the group meets in extremely big. No reason to be on top of each other, but they are.

I remember when things first closed down, some of my non AA friends said maybe it’s not a good thing for AA meetings to close. I know that many never did close, and I hear, I guess, that there are meetings out there distancing and masking.

I saw “why not?” but I am a known liberal.

We Were Gaining in Humility (Step 4 continued)

To see how erratic emotions victimized us often took a long time. We could perceive them quickly in others, but only slowly in ourselves. First of all, we had to admit that we had many of these defects, even though such disclosures were painful and humiliating. Where other people were concerned, we had to drop the word “blame” from our speech and thought. This required great willingness even to begin. But once over the first two or three high hurdles, the course ahead began to look easier. For we had started to get perspective on ourselves, which is another way of saying that we were gaining in humility.

Perspective on myself. I fairly automatically think these days about what’s wrong with me when I’m upset, even though pop psychology would have me ask rather what happened to me. Whatever it was the happened to me, it created plenty wrong in me. I’m sticking by that.

Thinking about leaving my job. This is no small thing. I’ve been there for 25 years. What keeps me there is probably fear, and fear is my number one defect. So I can be humble and say that I’m plenty wrong and very fearful. It is not what others do to me that makes me this way.

Erratic emotions. Unpredictable emotions? How do they victimize me? My answer in this moment is that they take too much mental space, keep me from serenity, reduce my effectiveness. Possibly even make me sick!

I need to think about humility and where to go next.