I’m the manager on duty at work, and so that is always hectic – lots to do followed by waiting for something to do. I don’t get periods of uninterrupted time when I can do the paperwork that is constant.
We’re settling into summer at work, and it is my work partner’s first summer without her husband. Her refusal and inability to plan bumps up against my need to plan. We work it out, but it stretches me in ways I’d rather stay rigid.
My lipoma developed a hematoma. I wanted to try and kayak with Carole today but can’t because of work partner. So we’ll try again for Monday, which may be better. We both need desperately to get into better shape and our lack of shape is hindering what we want to do an can’t. We’ll be going north for vacation. Some of our friends – I won’t say lots, but some – bicycle. While it’s a nice idea, these friends also often (once a year?) hurt themselves in serious ways. And they are starting out in much better shape than we are. We should have stayed active and didn’t. We quit smoking but gained weight. I’m afraid of speed and of falling. Falling out of a kayak will be safer for me than falling off a bicycle, though I know both can kill me.
So there’s that trip, and my mother comes and stays with the dog. The dog is afraid of thunder, and this seriously degrades my quality of life. I’m open to suggestion but won’t consider a thunder shirt. Herbs don’t work, and neither does Benadryl, not when the dog believes it’s the end of the world. We can’t drug her beyond Benadryl because she’s too big for us to manage physically if she can’t move under her own power. Anyway I’ll have to visit with my mother around the vacation. Then I want to see my daughter before school starts in August, and that will be sad, and far, and HOT. And August is full of dates that will be extra sad for my work partner, due to her husband’s death. It strikes me to notice that I don’t actually know when Father’s Day is this year. It’s been so long since I’ve had a father figure or since my kids have had one, it’s not part of my psyche.
Program-wise, not much is going on with me. There’s two “rules” that have come to my attention, that may not be universally know or adhered to, but that I follow and believe are good. One is to always get someone to go with you on a “12th step” call. I put that in quotes because I don’t mean tracking down some unfortunate stranger, which I never do (but should), but rather responding when someone I know is drunk or drugged and asking for help. I was taught to never go alone because, I guess, you don’t know what you’re getting into. I did go alone once, and long time ago, and I can’t remember why I was alone, but it did work out OK, except that I missed “back to school” night for my kids and left them at their grandparents’ over night with no pajamas. Which leads nicely to the second rule, which is to always say “yes” when someone in the program asks me to do something for the program which I can reasonably do. Which is why I’ll be leaving my doggie alone in the potential thunder tomorrow night and showing another person how to make coffee for an AA meeting. Which, if you’re me, is rather weakly, because I drink it black and don’t like it too strong.
Grateful I can go this mile.
Now we have a new kitchen to not buy new stuff for.
