I glanced at a popular book about Step 6, not AA literature. The part I opened to said that we feel stress in physical symptoms.
I’m falling apart, or getting old, or getting old and falling apart. After a life time of decent health, this is hard.
When I was new to sobriety, I figured I would never successfully work the AA program because there was no way I was going to, for example, speak to my mother’s husband. I realized even then that not speaking to him was a character defect. Now my thinking is different, and I wonder in despair, will I ever be entirely ready to give up the character defect of gluttony, otherwise known as over-eating?
Self-centered fear, as the activator of my character defects, seems to me to be getting worse as I have more days behind me then ahead, as the effects of aging take their toll and I’m less able to do ordinary things. As I wonder, still and again, do I have enough?
One of my oldest AA relationships is over. One of my sponsors (I had a few), someone who knew me when I was 16 and first in the rooms, died. Sober. There are many lessons but today I’ll use this one. Her mother had terrible dementia, and she worried for many years that she would also. She didn’t, it was cancer, but the worry.
I’m grateful today that I understand I have to look inward to fix what’s wrong with me. I’m grateful that I have a plan, internalized at this point, that tells me I have to be ready to GIVE IT UP.