“To see how erratic emotions victimized us often took a long time. We could perceive them quickly in others, but only slowly in ourselves. First of all, we had to admit that we had many of these defects, even though such disclosures were painful and humiliating. Where other people were concerned, we had to drop the word “blame” from our speech and thought. This required great willingness even to begin. But once over the first two or three high hurdles, the course ahead began to look easier. For we had started to get perspective on ourselves, which is another way of saying that we were gaining in humility.“
Perspective on myself. I fairly automatically think these days about what’s wrong with me when I’m upset, even though pop psychology would have me ask rather what happened to me. Whatever it was the happened to me, it created plenty wrong in me. I’m sticking by that.
Thinking about leaving my job. This is no small thing. I’ve been there for 25 years. What keeps me there is probably fear, and fear is my number one defect. So I can be humble and say that I’m plenty wrong and very fearful. It is not what others do to me that makes me this way.
Erratic emotions. Unpredictable emotions? How do they victimize me? My answer in this moment is that they take too much mental space, keep me from serenity, reduce my effectiveness. Possibly even make me sick!
I need to think about humility and where to go next.