Step 4

What’s wrong with you?

Why won’t you take the time to learn Word Press?

Step Four, made a fearless and searching moral inventory of ourselves. This is where we list character defects. This is where some people object that I am not defective. In today’s enlightened world, we are are to ask, “What happened to you?” rather than, “What is wrong with you?” I am to ask this of myself. This is where instincts on the rampage balk at investigation.

I have done several formal fourth steps. The idea for me is that I have every character defect to some degree that every other human being has. That these defects have caused all of my problems, the most serious problem being my alcoholism, because that nearly killed me. I have to name what’s wrong (what happened?) before I can effectively address is.

The literature tells me that my instincts have gone astray and overboard. I am, after all, an animal, one that seeks security and comfort and to go on indefinitely. The birds may not worry about obtaining food but they sure will fight for it when I fill the feeder. Where have I demanded more than my fair share? Where has fear crippled me when I’m afraid I won’t have enough?

This past year changed my concept of how vulnerable I can be even as I have had every need filled and more resources than I can ever use.

Now I demand answers, and none or forthcoming. I want a diagnosis and a treatment and a cure for everything that ails me even as I understand I’m privileged as few people have ever been, to reach this age in this health with all the things I bring to it.

And still, the thing that degrades my quality of life that I can control (if I ask god to remove it?) is gluttony. Overeating. Overweight. And fear, of course, and worry.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s