December 31, 2017 (this day)

This year!

I am circling, circling that fourth step and I will leap upon it soon.

With several hours left to go, and no easy access to alcohol, I think it’s safe to assume that I won’t have had any alcohol in 2017.  The thirty-third year?  Nineteen eighty four was the last year I drank.

2017 was terrible in some ways.  Politically I have been more disturbed and devastated than is healthy.  I had a great year with my precious dog, up until the last two weeks.  After a few difficult hours she left me for the final time.  And I’m much more crushed than is called for.

I’m grateful to be alive, grateful to be here and go this mile.  But anchoress, glueless, my compass is gone.

Not really.  AA has showed me the way since 1984.  The dog was never endangered by my alcoholism.  Since she’s gone, I can say “never.”  I don’t like facing a new year without that anchor and that glue, but really today is just another day, and tomorrow is just another day, and a “new year” is an arbitrary marker.  It’s another chance to be even better.

2 thoughts on “December 31, 2017 (this day)

  1. Dear Lydia, I’m circling, circling you, surrounding you with appreciation and eager anticipation of a new year which will include the appearance of a new anchor, a different (but equally reliable) glue, maybe not in the form of a dog or a person, maybe more from within, unknown to us now, but there waiting. In the meantime, let yourself grieve, secure in the knowledge that you can open your heart to grief while not drinking. Also, regarding the politics, remember the words of the Buddha: “Three things that can not long remain hidden: the sun, the moon, and the truth.”

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