February 22, 2017 (this day)

img_0878A little bit better and a little bit better, inch by painful inch.

Carole and I had the dining room painted and wallpapered.  It was the last room we hadn’t painted since we moved in…..twelve years ago now?  It looks great, and with Konmari we’re getting rid of lots of stuff.  But not enough.  My work is good.  My daughter is buying a house, and that is both good and bad.  I’ll confess here that it breaks my heart a little how far away she lives.  Of course I’m grateful that she’s happy and healthy and that all it well with her.  It hasn’t always been and I take not one minute for granted.  But I miss her, and I can’t help wishing she was here and buying a house and having a baby…..That’s not my reality.  Step Seven tells me I’m not being humble, pining for things I don’t have.  So I aim to completely eradicate the pining, but I don’t think I’ll ever make it completely.

 

Three weeks into the new administration I have lessened my despair and heartache a little bit.  I’m taking constructive action and I’ll do that every day for the rest of my life.  Step Seven also tells me that I learn to be the way I should be through the pain of character building.  And while I do view character building as something worth while in and of itself, as the Step promises, it seems like nothing gets my muscles moving like heartache and heartbreak and despair.  So here I am.  Sober, grateful, and moving forward, inch by painful inch.

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