We realize that the word “dependence” is as distasteful to many psychiatrists and psychologists as it is to alcoholics. Like our professional friends, we, too, are aware that there are wrong forms of dependence. We have experienced many of them. No adult man or woman, for example, should be in too much emotional dependence upon a parent. They should have been weaned long before, and if they have not been, they should wake up to the fact. This very form of faulty dependence has caused many a rebellious alcoholic to conclude that dependence of any sort must be intolerably damaging. But dependence upon an A.A. group or upon a Higher Power hasn’t produced any baleful results.
I’m struggling right now to regain emotional and mental equilibrium. I’ve been protesting against many of my elected officials and I think I’ve found some good ways to do that for the time being. I’d like to give part of my day, every day, to it, and leave it the rest of the time. This I am not able to do. I’m not sure what’s appropriate right now, what’s healthy and good for me and rest of humanity, really. And how self-centered to think that what I do might result in anything! I’m trying to be a drop in the bucket, today and every day.
And so, my program applied to this. I should be dependent upon my higher power. When things are bad in my life, I should double down on my program. I’m not doing that. I believe in some kind of abstract way that the answers are there for me, but right here, right now, it seems like the main benefit of more program would be less mental time spent on politics. Which wouldn’t be a bad thing at all.
I don’t feel like this reverie has added anything to anything, but I’m leaving it here if only to look back on and to see how I coped without drinking. I’m not drinking.