January 27, 2017 (this day)

Last week at this time I was staying awake to leave for the Women’s March on Washington at one in the morning.  When I first heard about the march I had said to Carole, “Let’s go.”  And Carole, being Carole, said, “Let’s get a bus and 54 of our best friends to go too!”  It was grueling, to say the least.  My daughter was there but I didn’t get to see her.  I live a good distance from Washington and I’m a very poor sleeper so I ended up literally not sleeping for days traveling there and back.  I remember the old AA adage that no one dies from a lack of sleep and I didn’t want to be the first.

It was very difficult, and I frequently got overwhelmed with sadness at the reason we all went there.  That said, it was uplifting and amazing and I’m energized to fight, fight, fight.

Every day I take at least ten minutes to fight this ridiculous president.  My idea is to make my call, write my letter, etc etc, and leave it, but I spend much more mental energy on it daily than ten minutes.  I want to cut that way down, because the mental energy I spend is not healthy or constructive.  I’ve subscribed to the New York Times on my Kindle in an effort to get informed and spend that energy in a constructive way, and to support the Times, which relentlessly bashes those who need to be bashed.

I’ve gone maybe my longest time without a meeting.  I couldn’t go to my Saturday night meeting, coming back from the march.  I wanted to go Monday but my stomach was too upset.  The rest of the week I didn’t try.  I’ll go tomorrow to my home group and I’m not really worried about it, just recording it here.  I’ve been sober for 32 years.  I plan, one day at a time to never drink again and to always be an active member of AA.  I just didn’t go to a meeting for approximately two weeks.

An AA friend wrote and deleted a Facebook post, but I read it.  She asked how all this worrying about things that haven’t happened yet goes along with One Day at a Time and other AA tenants.  It doesn’t, and when I see worry in myself I try to turn it into something constructive.  My ideal is fight serenely.  Because I am a good AA, but this is an emergency.  Changing the things I can’t accept if they are indeed changeable is a good thing.  AA gave me life and I’m living it.

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5 thoughts on “January 27, 2017 (this day)

  1. Bravo, Lydia! I love you for writing such meaningful and honest posts. Thank you for helping, with your writing, to calm me down a bit, and to focus my constructive energy rather than fritter away energy with worry (fear and anger too).

  2. Those are tough places to be. I was in the exact same place, too long without a meeting, until I got to one this morning. And every time I go to a meeting after a stretch like that, I’m reminded of what they do for me. They right size me. Put me right where I need to be.

    • That I cannot do! I’m not trying to control, really, but maybe to influence it? Doing my part, I see it as a responsibility to oppose what I see as evil. I’m not in control of the outcome but I’ve got to make the effort.

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