November 17, 2016 (this day)

ATTENTION!!  AA has no opinion on outside issues.  I have plenty, and I express them here.  I DO NOT speak for AA, only for myself.  Please do not stay away from AA because of anything I say.

I have an archive here that reaches back into 2008 and the last time Hillary Clinton lost an election, that for the nomination of her party for the presidency.  I looked up what I wrote at that time and it just wasn’t as anguished as I expected.  I was plenty anguished.  There are many, many reasons I’ve wanted Hillary to be president and lots of my time and some of my treasure has gone to the cause, over nine years old for me now.  It’s important in many ways, but for my purpose here I’m a sober alcoholic who has endured a very big disappointment.  The disappointment has aspects of unfairness and PLENTY of self-righteousness and also fear of the future and a disbelief that anyone could want that terrible, disgusting man in our view for any reason.

I’m “working” on the third step, and it tells me that people trying to impose their will on others results in ruin.  It reminds me that my own will in the form of alcoholic drinking nearly brought about my own destruction.  I don’t always know what’s right.  My ego has been bruised because things didn’t go my way.  I don’t want to become ugly in response to the wrongs I perceive.  I’m still responsible to many people, for many things, and my mood and demeanor can affect people for good or for bad.

Eight years ago I came away ultimately grateful for the experience, and that’s the ideal I hold before myself now.  I see lots of good that’s already resulted, and the bad has yet to materialize.  I don’t want my reaction to be part of the bad.  I don’t want to be greedy and demand more than my share of amazing historical events to live through.

So, this was one of the most disappointing things I can remember going through, because I’ve had and have a really good life.  As a major disappointment that wrecked my mood in a major way for a solid week, alcohol did not enter the picture.  I didn’t think of drinking or want to drink and as miraculous as the experience was of being a Hillary supporter, being a sober alcoholic is even more spectacular.

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