This means that I have to change. Some fortunate people come to AA and get a little sober time. For whatever reason, they are able to stop drinking. Some to be sure get a sponsor, work the steps go to meetings…and drink. Some do it again and again. I did it again and again.
I had heard the expression, “If you sober up a horse thief, all you will have is a sober horse thief.” Now I think the automobile reigned even in AA’s early days but the point is that unless you change, you will drink, just as you always have. That dysfunction person that made you first darken the doorstep of AA is still there, and that person will drink again. You have to change. No one comes to an AA meeting because life is good.
Happily, the way to change is laid out in the twelve steps, so there’s that. It’s a very difficult process, and life long, so only a very few very fortunate individuals get to stay and change. The drunk who brought me in cannot take me out. She doesn’t exist any more.