Search Terms that Brought You Here (PS this is my 1000th post!)

AA Couples:  Yes, my wife and I are one.  I was thinking recently how we can be at a meeting together and be the only couple, while at other meetings there are several couples.  Through the years I’ve seen advantages and drawback to this in my own life and in the lives of others, and my ex and I met in AA as well.  Local AA can be a small world, depending on your location.  When an AA couple breaks up, it’s not always nice or easy or serene or sober.  I’ve know people to all of a sudden not say anything at all personal at meetings, since their ex is also at meetings.  People want to and have to avoid meetings because of exes, and people also say way too much at meetings about someone the other people know.  None of that is nice, but if the people stay sober I think they work it out.  It’s a huge danger that one or both will drift away and maybe drink.  In my life the advantage have far outweighed the difficulties, though.  In my previous existence, my ex wasn’t going to local meetings or participating much in AA, and I moved back home after a short time, so the only AA difficulties I had involved long relationships, and really those were OK.  Now it’s great to have this is the primary thing my wife and I have in common, because I still believe it makes everything else in my life possible, and I also find it ceaselessly interesting with people, places and history to explore.  I wouldn’t trade it for a religion or sport or hobby or vocation in common.  Those all come from this.  And for today it’s all good, as long as we don’t take each other’s inventory.  : )


Meeting Girls at AA Meetings:  Don’t do it!  See above.  I have to stress I did make my wife wait until she was one year sober before I would meet her.  At which point I wailed to a friend, “She only has a year.”  My friend asked, “How much time does someone have to have to meet you?”  I guess a year was a good minimum.  AA is where I meet almost everyone I don’t work with or live near.  I have moved so many times in sobriety, I can’t imagine meeting people without AA.  I don’t know how so-called normal people do it, but I’m glad I’m not them.  But early in sobriety it’s usually suggested that people stay out of new romantic relationships.  After early sobriety, let the meeting begin, I guess, there’s no way to avoid it and why would you want to?  Now someone who would feign alcoholism to meet people in AA is a sick cookie.  People new to AA, beware, this could totally happen.  There can be predators at AA meetings, just like at church, or in the supermarket, on the street or at your job.  Beware. 


What Should I be Grateful for in Life?  Everything.  The should of this question leads me to the ideal, and my understanding of the program is that I am to aim toward being grateful for every single thing as an aid to continued sobriety.  Pain is the touchstone my life as it is now was built on.  The fatal and crippling malady of alcoholism forced me to seek a spiritual solution to live, and in the process gave me an excellent life.  Using that as my template I can see good in and strive for gratitude for every single other thing, good and bad.  This is really rough and I often fail, but at least I know where I’m going with it.


As Going Human Concerns:  It makes me so happy that people can search for this and end up here!  I hope I’ve explained it well.  The language of the Big Book and 12 and 12 can be difficult and old-fashioned at times.  To repeat, a “going concern” is a business that is functioning well enough to stay in business.  It takes in enough money to pay the employees and the bills and buy what it needs.  Our bankruptcy as a going human concern is a metaphor, comparing the life of an alcoholic who can no longer function to a business that can no longer function.  This phrase is from Step One in the 12 and 12, and it describes the state of an alcoholic who is forced to finally seek help.


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