December 8, 2014 (this day)

IMG_0625The sky often on fire like this when I go to work and when I come home at this time of year.  Beautiful.  Sometimes though that sun is blazing in my eyes each way, and that is difficult for me to bear.  It comes through the windshield at just the right angle to blind me, and I can’t get the visor in any position to block it.


This time of year is wonderful and difficult for me.  There are lots of interactions required of me, lots of time spent with people.  Like most of us I also miss people at this time.  I was just looking at pictures of my grandparents first as children, then as my grandparents.  It surprises me every time I see a new person on Facebook I went to school with way back when.  We’ve all gotten so old.


There are things I feel sad and even bitter about, but AA has taught me that I can’t stay in those feelings for very long.  They will eventually cause me to drink.  And I don’t know when eventually is.  More than that, I’ve learned to feel serenity and happiness.  I want those, every time they leave I want them back.  I’ve learned how to cultivate them and I’ll keep doing that as much as I can for as long as I can.


There will be moments coming up in the next few weeks when I find it hard to cope, when maybe  I fail to cope.  But I do not think of drinking any more than I think of breaking my own leg, or poking out my own eye.  Drinking would hurt more.  That’s what my sanity looks like today.

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