Let’s look first at the case of the one who says he won’tbelieve—the belligerent one. He is in a state of mind whichcan be described only as savage. His whole philosophy oflife, in which he so gloried, is threatened. It’s bad enough,he thinks, to admit alcohol has him down for keeps. Butnow, still smarting from that admission, he is faced withsomething really impossible. How he does cherish thethought that man, risen so majestically from a single cellin the primordial ooze, is the spearhead of evolution andtherefore the only god that his universe knows! Must herenounce all this to save himself ?
At this juncture, his A.A. sponsor usually laughs. This,the newcomer thinks, is just about the last straw. This isthe beginning of the end. And so it is: the beginning ofthe end of his old life, and the beginning of his emergenceinto a new one. His sponsor probably says, “Take it easy.The hoop you have to jump through is a lot wider than youthink. At least I’ve found it so. So did a friend of mine whowas a one-time vice-president of the American Atheist Society, but he got through with room to spare.”
This was me, in that I wouldn’t believe. I wasn’t all about science, not at all, but I was severely disillusioned with my quasi-religious upbringing and I just thought God and the church were ridiculous. I absolutely rejected this spiritual side of AA. I stood and held hands at meeting, but I did not pray.
No one laughed, for which I am very grateful. And thinking back, it seems to me it was the language of the books that finally cracked my door open just a little, just enough.
I try to maintain this attitude today with many issues. I am very stubborn. It is difficult. But I have such a shining, such a drastic example of how this worked for me in my past. I wonder if there are any more new lifes for me to begin.