IMG_0554I recently heard that if you have a close associate who has lost weight, or quit smoking, your chances of also doing so are greatly enhanced.  I believe it.  I was unable to quit smoking while Carole still smoked.  When I quit drinking, I was in a (terrible) relationship with someone who was not an alcoholic and who would refrain from drinking around me to help me.  I then got involved with my ex, who was also sober in AA.


So now Carole and I (also my work partner and I) struggle with eating right, and so often we drag each other down.


But in just about every other way, I do believe we are good for each other and bolster each other and support each other and succeed together.  I know it is that way for our long-term sobriety in AA, at least for today.  Without looking up the meaning, I’m taking “codependent” to mean “too dependent,” and there probably isn’t a way to live in a marriage with at least some of that.


As well there is unfortunate truth to the notion that a wife and mother will have a hard time being happy if everyone else isn’t happy, especially with young children.  We should be peaceful, knowing we’ve done our best, but if our best isn’t good enough, there won’t be peace.


AA helped me through the years with all of that.  It gave me endless resources of sober people to guide me and make sure I didn’t go off the rails with anything, relationship-wise and with my children.


And now, Carole and my work partner make me more friendly, and I make them more the thoughtful.  And the three of us need to lose weight.


3 thoughts on “Codependence

  1. I am a recovering alcoholic since 1985, and it took me until 2009 to realize that my real, primary, and first drug of choice is food. I did all the same things around food as around alcohol… lie, sneak, binge… and the same voice whispered how just this once, and everything would be alright. A yo-yo dieter since my teens, it took a long time before I realized it wasn’t about diet at all. OA has helped me to see my compulsive overeating as a disease, one that requires all the same tools as in AA to maintain sobriety. I agree that association with sober folks helps a lot… another tool.

  2. Thank you. It has so much in common with drinking and smoking, with the annoying caveat that we can’t give it up entirely like alcohol and cigarettes. Success stories give me hope!

    • That annoying caveat, that thorn in my side, is just one more challenge, one more tempting excuse “the voice” whispers to me. But, I’m here to say, once I became abstinent, sticking to my food plan and being abstinent on all my trigger foods, it really isn’t so bad. My obsessions and obsessive behaviors around food, my constant thinking about it, have diminished gradually to the point where I am rarely bothered by them.

      Thanks for your reply. And huge special thanks for all of your posts. They have helped me very much.

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