I just got home from a meeting where the topic was today’s Daily Reflection. I don’t like that book. I also really wonder about blogs that repost today’s gift from Hazelden. If I wanted to read today’s gift from Hazelden, I would. Those blogs clog up the ‘alcoholics anonymous’ feed.
Anyway the Daily Reflection had to do with ‘complete abandon.’ I thought about ‘abandon.’ Giving up completely. Ceasing to take care of or look after. Completely leaving. Somewhere in one of the books it says “abandon yourself to Him.” Abandon myself. I was so very bad for myself that I had to abandon myself in order to stop killing myself.
Today, as far as my relationship with alcohol, I will call this abandonment a success (just for today). Today I didn’t drink it. I went with God’s will rather than my own will, as an alcoholic. Although since many many years have passed since I last drank alcohol, I do believe my own will conforms for the most part to God’s will in this matter. I will never think it’s safe for me to drink again (God willing).
But there are other ways in which I have not abandoned myself to God’s will as completely as I finally did with alcohol. I still “take care” of myself in many ways, and my will doesn’t get closer to God’s will and doesn’t conform, and my mind doesn’t get changed, and my brain doesn’t get washed. There are character defects that make themselves known to me many times a day, often many times an hour, and I still don’t do what I know very well I “should” do. I’ve come to think of that “should” as a sort of voice of God. When I know what I “should” do I know what the right thing is, and I very often fail to do it. Even though my one complete abandonment (maybe two, counting cigarettes) has gone so well, improved my life, and given me life itself.
I wonder what Hazelden’s gift for today is.