June 2, 2014 (this day)

IMG_0314This is probably the marker for a grave for someone who died in an insane asylum and didn’t rate a named marker.  Someone who had no family to claim the body and bury it with the family, or bury it at all.  I’m fascinated by these things and lucky that Carole will go along with me.  We chanced on this cemetery while visiting our daughter.  Super cool!  Since this is an AA blog, I have to say it crosses my mind that before AA, had I lived then, this could have easily been my fate IF I’d been lucky.  In 1984, when I finally admitted to myself that I truly couldn’t stop drinking, I seriously considered that a mental hospital would be my only chance to live.  I wasn’t making it on my own.  If that had happened to me in 1984, there’s still a chance, I believe, that I would have stopped drinking because I imagine I’d have been exposed to some form of AA.  Before AA I don’t think there would have been a chance for me.  I don’t think I would have lived long enough to find a different solution.

In my life today not much is going on.  Our kitchen is still under construction but tonight they put the sink back in, so, progress.  I have truly missed having a sink.  At my meeting for the past weeks the group has done the “topic bag,” where each person in his turn reaches into the bag, pulls out a topic, and talks on it.  Twice when someone pulled “how important is it?” they stumbled or balked or passed.  I say all this in prelude to  recording that my kitchen is now a very very bright orange, a color that picked by accident.  ‘Nuff said.

I had a lipoma removed over a week ago, and there’s a big, hard mass under the scar.  The nurse who took out the stitches said it was clotted blood and that it could take up to eight weeks to dissipate.  It worries me, and it hurts.  I really want to kayak this summer.  We tried it a few times last summer, then Carole hurt her shoulder.  Now the weather is here and I’m out of commission.  I hope the nurse knows what she’s talking about and I’m getting lots of practice in refraining from worry.  A corrosive thread and one I can’t seem to let go of.  If it’s not one thing, it’s another.  And how important are any of them?

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