Change

img112I struggle with what to write about change, because I struggle with change.  It’s a worthy topic at AA meetings, I think, because we all to some degree have trouble adjusting, even to good changes.  Change means to become different, and I like almost everything to stay the same.  Nothing does, and so my struggle.

I would have been happy to always live in my hometown, to always work at my first job, to live in one house as an adult.  Instead I’ve moved many, many times, from one coast to the other and back again, and in between.  I like where I live, and this is where I’ll stay for quite a while to come, mostly because of Carole’s job, which is a great job that pays really well and exists in this place.  I’ve lived in this area for 15 years, 10 years in this house and that’s the longest I’ve lived anywhere practically since I was born.  Writing this, I remember moving as a kid, from one end of town to the other and back again.  That made me different.  Everyone else (so it seemed and was mostly true) stayed put, with their mother and father and siblings.  That’s not what my life was like.

So now I know that I should embrace change, and sometimes I actually do.  I know I should make peace with it in order to be at peace at all.  I know that so many changes are for the better and I should welcome them.  I know that I’ve been blessed with imagination and optimism and other tools I can use to cope with and welcome and actually affect changes in my world.  I know that even sad changes often lead to new happinesses, and if not that at least the sadness will abate somewhat with time.

AA is where I hear other people struggle and make peace.  I get to hear about people who struggle more with sameness, always wanting something different, wanting everything to change.  It’s where I learned to appreciate what I have, to remember that it’s all temporary, to live in the now.  Even as now is changing, has changed.

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