March 8, 2014 (this day)

IMG_0286I’m planning to be here a little more often.

My work partner Irene’s husband, Alek, died last night.  He was 61.  He’d been diagnosed with cancer in December, and was going through the treatments, and yesterday he felt so good they were going out to dinner and talking about when to make that Alaska cruise.  I don’t know what happened yet.  I feel really numb about it.

I’ve made plans to visit my daughter in her new place, far far away from here.  I’ve said goodbye a few times to my friend who is moving.  The pizza, brownies and cake picture is from one of those goodbyes.  I’ve tried to drill it into my thick head a little more deeply that I have to be healthier to live longer and to live well.  Carole and I have given up drinking and smoking and those are the big baddies, but there are other things out there that will cut our lives shorter than they need to be, and that time is approaching now, and in the next ten years.

So in my discombobulation I was trying to help one of the repeat relapsers I know and I realized and remembered that at every difficult time in my sobriety, I have turned back to the steps and I have not been disappointed.  Either time has passed or the steps have helped or both.  I’ve never given up working on the steps since I began this blog a few years ago, but I’m going to step it up and make it more frequent for a while.  Step One right now.  Thanks to 29 years of sobriety, my life is not unmanageable, and neither are my emotions or my options, nor am I powerless over these things though I remain powerless over alcohol.  I have a solution and a plan to work it and infinite help to do so today.

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