September 22, 2013 (this day)

IMG_1177I’m waiting until it’s time to go meet a friend at the dog park.  We talked briefly about how I’m afraid to do that, and the difference between masochism and being brave.

I had a very traumatic dog walking experience in the past.  Just last week, this same friend’s dogs attacked and killed a ground hog at the dog park.  It’s difficult and frightening for me to get my dog out of the car and into the dog park.  My dog is big, and she barks and struggles and acts aggressive when she sees other dogs, especially on a leash.  She is not aggressive, and I wouldn’t consider taking her if I thought there was the slightest chance she would hurt a person or dog.  I feel confident that she won’t, but it’s still a difficult thing for me to walk her when I’m alone and she’s acting that way.

Anyway I told my friend that if I don’t do it because I’m afraid, it will eventually become something I don’t do at all, ever.  As an example, I’ve kind of given up riding very big roller coasters.  Each time over the past however many years I’ve been presented with the opportunity I haven’t gone, knowing this makes ever going again much less likely.  I’m OK with that, but still a little bit sad.

I know that there’s danger every time I take my dog out of the house.  I know that better than most people.  But I know there’s danger every time I get in a car, and still I choose to do it.  So I’m choosing to take her out of the house and take the risk and hope for the best.  Every time I survive it does make it more likely I will do it again, I hope.

And it moves my mind away from the worries I have for the coming week.  They are nothing major and I still have a bit of my pink cloud left from having survived jury duty.

The person on my prayer list right now is someone who wouldn’t work the program and has quit.  I hope that she doesn’t need the program, or if she does, that she’ll come back.

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