AA taught me that almost every single thing in my life is good. AA taught me that if I can’t see the truth in that, I’ll have a hard time and may not be able to stay sober. AA taught me that when I can have that attitude, that almost every single thing in my life is good, I will want to stay sober and actually want to live.
There are terrible tragedies and great suffering in life, and I really haven’t had these be a part of my little life. The Big Book talks about serenity when bad things happen like losing a child in a war, which is surely one of the worst things I can think of. I haven’t been tested like that, and I don’t know if I’d pass a test like that. I might not.
I didn’t make it through raising two teenagers unscathed. There were times I worried for both of their lives. They have truly been in that much jeopardy, but those experiences were short-lived and even as they took place, I had some of the most advanced medical technology and psychological help available, and since these things turned out OK, the bright sides I was trying to cling to came to pass as true.
For the more mundane things that test my ability to stay positive I looked back through the blog and I came up with this list:
- people at work coming in late or not at all
- I am not the perfect dog mom
- I am often afraid to drive in the snow
- politics in general, and people who want to deny me the right to marry in particular
- people commenting on the way I look (only positive comments, mind you)
- people in my vicinity expressing negativity (!)
- missing people and situations from the past
Something in Step Eleven (I’m not sure what) says that we bring light to bear on the negative aspects of our personalities. Something like that. Here I’ve got a list of things to bring to that light. I hope the light makes them shrivel up and die! Or at least get a little smaller.