October 31, 2012 (this day)

We are victims of relentless rain, but of course I can’t feel badly for myself or my dog as I see the devastation elsewhere.  My home and my work and my meetings can carry on as usual.
Things are mostly good.  We have new people starting at work and I’ve put it in the front of my mind, at least, that I need to act on all those thoughts I had about my self-consciousness/shyness/fear of change and fear of the future.  This will be no revelation to people who know me, and it’s just become more obvious to me, that I depend on my life partner and my work partner to be the friendly half of our relationship.  I can’t imagine either one of them gets any benefit from being in partnership with me that is anywhere near equal. 
I really never thought of it this way.  Carole and I are fairly opposite in this way, and we always remark that had we met in person, rather than online, we wouldn’t have gotten involved with each other.  But now I’m thinking of the way in which I’ve built my relationship with my work partner.  I was at the job first, and chose her to work with me.  It’s been probably over 12 years, and she did leave briefly for a time but otherwise we’ve been together.  That is a really hard thing to accomplish, and I know it’s taken lots of effort from both of us.  Like my marriage.  I don’t know why Carole or Irene have stuck with it, but maybe I have because, among other reasons and of course things that defy reasoning, they fill that need for me – to be outgoing and social.  By being partnered with them I get some of the relationships with others without the work.  Hm.  This would be both trick and treat.
(and, as always, I am grateful to note that before I knew either of them I was, truly, a fully functioning adult in my work, my family and in AA)
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