Until I could accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober . . .
I will add that, until I could accept my alcoholism and all that entailed, I could not stay sober.
I knew I was an alcoholic before I went to a meeting. I understood it, accepted it, admitted it. But I didn’t know, understand, accept and admit all that it means to be an alcoholic. And so I couldn’t stay sober.
I had to accept and understand that
- when I started drinking, I couldn’t always predict what I would do
- because I couldn’t predict what I would do, I risked my safety as well as the safety of everyone around me
- when I started drinking, I couldn’t always predict when I would stop
- there were people who had been down the exact same road, and whatever had happened to them could happen to me
- my drinking always got worse, never better
When I understood those things, then I knew I couldn’t drink anymore, and then I really saw no future ahead of me, and then I was able to stop drinking, just for a short time, which has resulted in 28 years of continuous sobriety.
It seems so obvious now. I can’t get over a tooth ache until I accept that my tooth hurts and take action to heal it.
Taking this concept and these words out into the real world, there are things I fight against and argue with and get upset about that just are. The amount of upset I feel over the weather, or other drivers, is completely up to me. My emotions don’t change the weather or the other drivers one tiny bit.
Accepting some other things means working to change them, or admitting to myself that I am not going to work to change them. I should not accept global warming, that women can’t drive in Saudi Arabia, or my weight. But honestly, am I willing to do the work to change them?