February 18, 2012 (this day)

Last year at this time Carole and I were walking around the city with the dog, taking pictures of fading ads, and this year we…….are not.  Her knee still hurts.  For me, it seems to be a repeat of 2009, for which interested parties can consult The Menopause Chronicles.  She’s also constantly getting a sinus infection, but that may have been true last year as well.  Last year we had ancient and dying pets and this year we have kittens about to mark their first birthday.

We’re all crawling toward death!  Still I have hope that her artificial knee and my change of life will lead to good things for both of us.  We’re just not there yet.  She informed me yesterday that her friend is having a hysterectomy next month for exactly the symptoms I’m having now.  I am a freak for not wanting surgery or drugs.  Carole didn’t say I’m a freak, it just seems that everyone, most importantly the doctors, have a fix for this, and it isn’t time, it is medical intervention of some sort.

This all relates to my program (really) in too many ways to count.  It’s an excellent mental exercise to deal with this uncomfortableness not knowing how long it will last.  Could be over tomorrow, could go on for many more years (although my lack of hot flashes lead one doctor to tell me that makes her think I’m not nearly there yet).  I do not want to chemically, hormonally alter my healthy body to relieve symptoms.  I do not want to go into the hospital, charge the insurance thousands of dollars, go under anesthesia, and have a healthy organ removed to relieve symptoms.

I want to be brave and patient and cheerful.  I want someone (anyone) to understand and commiserate and tell me she made it through fine and so will I. Or that if I can’t make it through, I’ll have the drugs or the surgery and all will be well.  What doesn’t kill me makes me stronger.  Kumbaya!

Yesterday it took me 15.5 second to generate this gratitude list regarding my female reproductive system.  This is how the program works for me:

  • I didn’t start my period early
  • Although I had long, frequent, painful periods, it was nothing that handicapped my life
  • I got pregnant right when I wanted to, immediately
  • For two pregnancies I had two children – a girl and a boy – as perfect in every way as human beings can be
  • I didn’t have a premature menopause
  • I’m not having one that requires medical intervention
  • So far I have no tumors, cancer, polyps, infections, or other bad, scary things
  • Should I have those I have access to the best medical care in the world

This too shall pass!!!!!!


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