September 21, 2011 (this day)

I’ve seen four stink bugs this afternoon and I hear tell by the people who tell of such things that the plague will be worse than last year.  And last year it was bad.  To my understanding, this bug has come over from Asia but its predator has not.  So it flourishes.  I think that people haven’t poisoned the heck out of them yet because they don’t bite or destroy things.  The only time they stink is when squashed, like when my dog bites one.  The new kittens have not seen a stink bug but I imagine we are in for some heavy-duty stinking when they do.

So nothing fights and kills the stink bugs and they come back stronger than before.  I would like to compare this experience to the way I’m experiencing character defects, but it’s a bit of a stretch.

My character defects are really very tedious and boring after 27 years of continuous sobriety.  You won’t find me being very illegal, immoral or dangerous.  No.  Not passed out under the table, in a class, or behind the wheel.  No.  You’ll find me anxious and jealous, irritable and impatient.  Judgmental and arrogant as well.

The same work situations stress me out.  The same home situations stress me out.  The same world situations stress me out and I know the fault lies in me, not in the situations.

I don’t think the character defects multiply, like the stink bugs.  I hope they actually get to be fewer and weaker.  But I think my capacity to live with them diminishes as I raise the floor of my life and want to get better and want to have more – serenity.

Wanting and working or two completely separate things.  And I swear that while I was writing, another bug flew by.  A plague that will come no matter how I feel about it.  My feelings and ability to cope with it are irrelevant to it, and only effect me.

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