After we come into A.A., if we go on growing, our attitudes and actions toward security–emotional security and financial security–commence to change profoundly. Our demand for emotional security, for our own way, had constantly thrown us into unworkable relations with other people. Though we were sometimes quite unconscious of this, the result always had been the same. Either we had tried to play God and dominate those about us, or we had insisted on being overdependent upon them. Where people had temporarily let us run their lives as though they were still children, we had felt very happy and secure ourselves. But when they finally resisted or ran away, we were bitterly hurt and disappointed. We blamed them, being quite unable to see that our unreasonable demands had been the cause.
As to the way it was for me when I was drinking, I can’t really relate with any certainty. I was, in fact, a child, at least legally when I went to my first meeting at 16. When I stopped drinking, at 21, I was barely more than a child. There wasn’t anyone I tried to dominate, and I don’t think I was over dependent either, but my situation is not the norm, since I was so young.
Now, I hope I don’t seek to dominate, although sometimes I am very adamant about being right about certain things. I supervise, at work, and I don’t like it. I may know the way things should go, to a large extent, and I may have some limited power to try to make them go that way, but I don’t do as much as I should, and I don’t enjoy doing it. My deficit is right there. I don’t like confrontation, and I don’t do as much as I should, as much as the people who depend on me deserve.
In other situations I often don’t like to dominate, except when I do. I don’t think I know best most of the time, and honestly, another defect, I don’t want to be responsible for having things go wrong.