It has been a very, very, very long time since I’ve been triggered to drink. It’s important for new people, or people who struggle with alcohol, to know their triggers and avoid and master and overcome them. This isn’t what this is about.
Today I’m looking for the things that trigger my character defects. Things within me or outside of me that result in me feeling, indulging, entertaining, engaging in those negative personality traits, those instincts gone overboard that I call character defects.
My favorite, most frequent character defects are anxiety, fear, and anger. I have occasionally written down what I perceive is triggering them in an effort to master and diffuse those triggers. When I engage in a character defect, when I feel those negative emotions, to my understanding of it, I have failed. I will never be rid of any of them completely (except, maybe, the desire to drink), but I will seek to lessen them as long as I am able to progress.
My list of triggers is disappointingly vague. I sort of had in mind my sudden death, or my need to have someone go through my things without me present, and my wife or my work partner being just oh-so distressed to find herself there, listed as a common trigger. So now when I look back, I can’t remember what I was upset about, or what happened, or anything much about these situations. And that says a lot about it right there.
So I looked quickly through my pictures, and I chose a few that illustrate things that “cause” me anxiety, fear and anger. I didn’t have to look far. They are posted in the previous post.
- My daughter’s cat. He is ill with a mysterious disease. How much will it cost to treat? What if he dies young? What if he suffers much? How will she take it? How will I take it?
- Death. ‘Nuff said.
- My meeting. Will it survive?
- Gas prices. ‘Nuff said.
- My dog. Is she happy? Is she healthy? Am I the perfect dog mom? How will I cope with losing her? Is she afraid of thunder? Is she overweight? Does she get enough exercise? Does the gentle leader hurt her face? Will she eat the cats? Will the cats eat her? Is she shedding? Is she clean enough? Is she too clean? Does she remember her past? Does she wish to shut the door on it? Does she like to be brushed? Can she read my mind? Does she like her food? Is her collar too loose? Are her nails too long? Does she have an allergy? Lyme’s Disease? A crazy mother??
- Politics. “Nuff said.
- Bugs and pesticides.
- Sickness and injury.
- Where’s the nearest bathroom?