The best-intentioned of us can fall for the “two-step” illusion. Sooner or later the pink cloud stage wears off and things go disappointingly dull. We begin to think that A.A. doesn’t pay off after all. We become puzzled and discouraged.
Again, I’m in absolutely no danger of becoming a two-stepper. I guess in my case the danger would be acting as a one-stepper, and just not drinking.
I wonder if this is where the expression “pink cloud” comes from. A quick search showed me that mostly people use it the way do, as a sort of happiness that happens quickly when someone stops drinking. That person is relieved of many of the bad things that drinking brought, and has embarked on a new and wonderful way of living, and is just oh so happy, it cannot last. If I experienced a pink cloud stage it has been lost in the haze of my continued relapses, and I don’t remember it at all.
I stopped writing the step at that point because the paragraph that follows is one of the most important paragraphs in all of the literature for me, and I want to set it apart. At times I certainly find AA to be dull, but at no time do I forget that since I’m alive, it’s paying off. As I write these words and think about this, I say a little inward prayer that if someone who is struggling with sobriety reads them, this person might see the light. The light that I saw, that enabled me to stay sober.
AA may be dull, and dialysis may be dull, and chemotherapy may be dull. No, those things are much worse than dull, yet people count themselves fortunate every day to be able to participate in them. What I have to do for my life is not dull, and so what if it was? If I said I hoped for any kind of life without AA, I would truly be insane again.