February 25, 2011 (this day)

So here I sit worried about two things.  Number one, my work partner got violently ill yesterday, and I’m just counting the minutes until I get it.  It’s been just over 24 hours since this happened, and so far I feel fine.  Number two is the snow.  Par for the course in my neck of the woods in February.  It’s falling, and forecasted to be a very small amount, but just last Monday the forecast was very wrong about that, and although I didn’t get stuck, of course I saw many people on the news who did.  And I’m at work “alone,” at least in charge alone, because of worry number one.  Number two and a half, my daughter Erika is in a much snowier place, forecasted to get a huge amount of snow.  I talked to her last night and she’s sick.  That would be worry 2.75.

I HATE it!  I “should” be so much better at this by now.  I remember so clearly, sitting at a meeting in my hometown on a Saturday night many years ago, worried about the falling snow and deciding then, many years ago now, to give up this habit of worrying about snow.  Carole is home and the animals are fine.

Looking at the character defect du jour and the character defect list, I come first to rationalizing and minimizing.  Surely, as I get ready to beat myself up for thinking in terms of how I “should” be, the thoughts creep in that this really isn’t “so” bad.  No, it’s not so bad.  But it’s not so good, either, and I’d like to be done with it.

Resentment?  No
Rigidity and fear of change?  No
Sarcasm, cruelty, meanness?  A tiny bit toward myself, but no.

Self-centered, selfish, self-seeking?  Ah ha!  Spending excessive time thinking about myself?  Check!  Considering myself first in situations?  Check!  Not having enough regard for others or thinking about how circumstances hurt or help others?  Check!  And check again, even when it’s my daughter I’m worried about.  This is still “me” and “mine,” and she’s probably OK, and there’s nothing I can do from here.

And so, I will now stop thinking about myself and what I’m worried about, as much as I can.  I’m going out my door into a building full of people who I’m blessed beyond measure to be with today.  People who have much more to worry about than I do.  And some maybe are more worried, but I think that most aren’t, and I can learn from their example.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s