Telling on Myself

I’m being lazy!  I’m using the excuse of my Nanowrimo novel to avoid tasks I should be doing!  I have written 27,216 words and I am more than halfway there!

I really pushed today, and I got myself several days ahead.  I know now that I would like to finish early, if I can.  We shall see.

But admitting to this computer screen that I’m using it as an excuse is “telling” on myself.  Confession, admitting our wrongs, both past and present, is surely an important part of the program.  I think it’s a wonderful aspect of AA, thinking about “what did I do wrong today?”  There’s no better way I know of to lessen the likelihood of bad things continuing on into the future.

AA has been a wonderful place for me to do that.  There is always someone who has done worse, and always always a room full of people to understand and admit they have done the same, whatever the wrong may be.  Telling it to them makes it even less likely for me to repeat.

I’ve been thinking about relapse, as I often do, because hanging around AA I am surrounded by people who have relapsed.  My home group celebrated the first anniversary of someone who had relapsed.  I know that when I kept drinking again and again, and going to AA after drinking again and again, I felt people were probably tired of hearing about me and my relapses.  I still imagine that when they saw me they said or thought, “Here she comes again.”  Maybe “telling on myself” can get to be hindrance when I tell the same thing over and over, year after year.  I’m grateful I was able to change that tune.

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