Surrender

We have ceased fighting anything, even alcohol.

How I wish that it was true for me, and more than an ideal.  I have ceased fighting alcohol, that is true, but I fight other things.

For me there is surrender, as in giving up the fight against alcohol.  I believe it had won before I ever drank it.  All the time I spent trying to drink it successfully was denial on my part that I had lost.  When I surrendered to that, I was able to give it up, and so I had the only victory over it that is possible for me.

I also had to surrender to the program.  I tried to give up drinking without the program, and I tried the program without truly admitting defeat from alcohol, and I tried to take part of the program and leave the rest.  My experience is that I was desperate, truly desperate and, I believe dying, until I surrendered to the program, gave up alcohol and began to live a life that works.

And my own personal miracle is that after a time I came to want AA and what it offered, and I wouldn’t give it up if I could.  Which I can’t.

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