October 22, 2010 (this day)

I had a really hard time today – coping with stress.  What I just wrote about the other day.

It’s Carole’s turn for medical tests that may or may not reveal something horrible.  As when I was going through those not too long ago, I think this will just get more frequent, and sometimes reveal something horrible, sometimes not, until we die.

Add to that stress, other stress, and the fact that often marriage and close relationships magnify character defects.  Oh, and my daughter, who has moved away and who I stress about, doesn’t have working heat, and isn’t calling the landlord until tomorrow.

Work was hectic and I have trouble dealing with negativity that I hear about but don’t experience.  It seems, often, that our boss is more negative to my work partner than she is to me.  Of course I think it is the interpretation that my work partner gives to things that is really very negative.  But I can’t be sure.  I wasn’t there.  Since I wasn’t there yesterday (because of Carole’s medical tests), today I had to deal with the stories of what went on while I was gone.

I’m much better at doing this than I used to be, and I probably understand some of truth by realizing this really doesn’t happen when I’m around.  Unless I’m just too clueless to see it.

Tonight we went to a Big Book meeting and tomorrow is our meeting.  And all this “we” and “our” is truly a gift, and it hasn’t always been this way for me in life or in the program, and I’m going to appreciate and enjoy it if it kills me.

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