Sponsorship (my history part two)

So I asked Florence to sponsor me as well.  I don’t know why.  She was a very, very nice woman, a mother of four young children.  Her husband was in the program as well, and neither of them had a lot of time at that time.

I handled the two sponsors fine.  But really, I don’t think Florence added all that much to my sobriety.  As it turned out, she had never stopped using pills.  Years after my relapse and reentry, she was getting busted and going to rehab, moving away and breaking down.  She lost her marriage and her children and her career and eventually her life.

She does more for me now than she ever did when she was alive.  She stands as a very very powerful example to me.  I have a strong fear of drugs taken for any reason, and she is part of why.  I don’t know what her mental issues were beyond addiction, but I bet some of the drugs were prescribed and maybe she truly “needed” them.  She doesn’t need anything now and drugs can’t hurt or help her.

I know for my own mind, I love the effects of drugs too much to take them.  I went through many hours over months of time to be able to fly without drugs, and I didn’t enjoy spending time that way, but I’m drug free and alive today.

I don’t doubt I could be anxious or sad or upset enough to get a doctor to legitimately prescribe me something to help.  I don’t doubt I would love to feel my brain on drugs once again.  I don’t doubt it can go terribly, tragically wrong sometimes.

I’m still in touch with a few people I knew back then.  I’m not in touch with Florence.

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