Looking at Step Five (Step Twelve continued)

Looking at Step Five, we decided that an inventory, taken alone, wouldn’t be enough.  We knew we would have to quit the deadly business of living alone with our conflicts, and in honesty confide these to God and another human being.

I don’t have tons to say about this right now.  I’ve done two formal fifth steps, and if I live long enough I’m sure I’ll do another.  My usual method of redoing the steps began with step one and made it through a fifth step then sort of petered out.  When I began doing this is February, 2008 (!) I intended to go through the steps beginning with six, continuing through twelve and around again to one through five.  It’s taking me quite some time but that’s still my intent.

I’m glad I’m doing it this way, because I’ve paid way more attention to all the steps I’ve written about thus far than I ever did in all my years before.

So looking back at my previous fifth steps, I’m sure they were incomplete.  Not only has more been revealed but I’ve probably actually developed new and worse character defects as time has passed.  I understand the concept that all my wrong-doing since my fifth step should be taken care of by the tenth step.  But not everything falls into the category of “promptly admitting” my wrongs.

An example that comes quickly to mind is my gluttony, manifest in overeating and so being overweight.  I don’t think the idea is to admit every time I over eat that I’m over eating, though I admit it often enough.

I’m afraid that I’ve mentally brought myself back to my favorite, imperfect sixth step, the step that I couldn’t let go of for literally years.  I have obviously not ever been entirely ready to have God remove this defect of character.  The scale would say I’ve actually become less ready.

And so . . .

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