August 13, 2010 (more from yesterday’s spot check)

I didn’t finish yesterday’s thought because a very important reality television show was on.

So I’ve identified anxiety as a character defect and even if I have good cause for anxiety, like a daughter moving away, I must grow in my ability to tolerate and handle it.  I think my success with avoiding drugs on my flights is a good omen for me and lets me know that I do have the tools to handle things, if only I will practice and use them.  The anxiety thing will be much longer lived than a few plane flights.  It will last my whole life.  I want to lessen it as much as I can.  I still believe that if I take drugs to deal with it, I won’t get anywhere in my ability to tolerate it.  Just like flying.  Again, my mind considers “legal” highs, and my mind kicks my butt for not investigating further . . .

Along with anxiety, yesterday, I identified co-dependence and over-dependence.  There are a few people who, when they are upset, I find myself too close to them to avoid getting upset myself.  Again I don’t think it will be possible for me to eliminate that from my life completely.  I do believe I can lessen it.

These dependency terms are not terms I’ve used to describe myself much before now.


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