A woman at my meeting tonight was telling us how, although her life drinking is terrible, she still cannot stop for any period of time. I’ve heard different ways of expressing this, things like when the pain is great enough, then you’ll change, or the question, have you had enough yet?
I do remember the terror of letting go of the crutch of alcohol even though, if it ever helped in any way, that was a long, long time ago.
Now, to apply this to now.
Things almost always, if not truly always, have to get pretty bad for me to change. I can engage in mental habits that I know give me grief over and over and over again. I can live with bad situations in my life for very long periods of time without doing something real to change them. I can attack my problems in a half-hearted way even though I know that “half measures availed us nothing.”
Why is it still sometimes so difficult to let go of those character defects and the pain they bring even though I’ve seen it be proved in my life and countless times in the lives of others that it works and it’s worth it?