Self-Pity:  –noun – pity for oneself, esp. a self-indulgent attitude concerning one’s own difficulties, hardships, etc.: We must resist yielding to self-pity and carry on as best we can.

Interesting that the example sentence implies that by yielding to self-pity, we will be hindered and handicapped in our ability to carry on.

Again, the books and the examples of the program are extreme.  Having a child killed in a war has to be one of the worst things human experience.  The literature, to my reading, doesn’t leave room for exceptions.  Self-pity is a character defect, and I am to try to eliminate it.  I’ve been trained to understand that most things involving self are dangerous, twisted and wrong.  We must resist yielding.

This little guy is going to the vet tomorrow.  He’s sick, and we’re not sure how sick, but possibly very sick.  He’s ten years old, which in the lives of my pets is young.  He’s a character and a half.  He’s named for an important figure in AA history.  He’s the first pet Carole and I obtained together as “ours,” as opposed to those we brought to the union.

In the corner of the picture, right by his paw, is a brush with teeth marks in it.  Those were made by the puppy I lost when she and I were attacked when we were walking, when she was just two.  I lost another cat to feline leukemia many years ago, and aside from those, I’ve lost only one other cat, my first, and she lived to be nearly 20.

Last night, I visited Christy in the hospital, and her outcome is uncertain.  The night before they had actually assembled her family to say goodbye and let her go, and she rallied, as she has before.

The thing about the cat and about Christy is, to my eye, they really don’t spend much time thinking about their state and worrying about their health and coveting the superior health of other beings.

It’s not self-pity I feel when I think of those I’ve lost and am losing, but I do feel a bit of a “why me?  why them?”  Maybe that is self-pity, I don’t know.  Maybe it’s also self-pity to think, when I receive Christy’s radiant smile or the cat’s quick purr, that I don’t deserve their approval, not at all.


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