April 28, 2010 (this day)

I’m coming up to a few very tense situations.  At work, it will be short-staffed for some time to come.  That’s the hardest thing for me there.  In addition to that at work, I’ll have a lot of actual work, plus I’ll have to spend more time helping out others who aren’t staffed.  I’m also going on maybe the longest vacation I’ve been on away from work, and I do have a hard time with time off.  We’ll also have to hire new people, and that process is stressful and time consuming.

At home I have the stress of Carole’s injury and all the things she needs help with or can’t do.  We also have a sick cat, and that’s expensive and frightening.   The cat is only ten years old, and he’ll probably have surgery next week, though it’s not clear what is actually wrong with him.  It could be bad though.  It’s hard to watch him be sick meanwhile.  Two of our other animals are just very old and slowly going down hill.  Old age is the best way for them to go, but again, it’s hard to watch.  Vacation, vacation, vacation exacerbates all this for me.  In the midst of it all I will leave them all.  Carole doesn’t want to know if one of them goes while we’re gone.  I do want to know.

My menopause continues unpredictably.  Now that I’m three weeks and one day from leaving, I’m getting symptoms that might or might not mean I have a period coming.  My periods last from one day to more than two weeks.  They vary from very light to massive hemorrhage.  Looking back over more than three years of records, there’s just no way to predict what will happen.
I’ve been working hard on my fear of flying, and I’ve decided not to take any kind of mood-changing drug to deal with it.  I told Carole that if it’s awful, I’ll think about a drug for next time.  She asked if it’s awful, if I would think about a drug for the way home!!  This deserves a whole post, though.  For now I’ll leave it at the fact that I have a long long flight ahead of me, clean and sober and scared half to death.

My mother will be staying with the animals and my mother’s eye sight is very very bad, and getting worse.  My son will hopefully stay with her.  He is graduating before we go, and not sure if he’s continuing on in school in the fall.  Stress.  My daughter is leaving her job and starting grad school in August, six hours away from me by car, the first time I will be without her living within an hour of me.  Stress.

And of course I need to lose lots of weight, yesterday.
I need to shake all these situations out into some kind of serenity.  I forget to mention of course two important dates that occur within these time frames.  Within this week, I expect to have 26 years of sobriety, and within the month and before I return from vacation, I expect to turn 48 years old.

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